Forgiveness: The Gift that Keeps on Giving (Article from December 2011)

Forgiveness: The Gift that Keeps on Giving

We’ve probably all heard about people who take in a wild animal as a pet. A chimpanzee, or a snake or a tiger—they can look cute and harmless when they are small. However, the pet grows up, and then the person makes the 6 o’clock news when that pet turns on them and attacks. We shake our heads in disbelief and think, “Well of course you got hurt—you can’t keep a wild animal as a pet!”


But most of us are harboring pets every bit as dangerous. They may have started out tiny, but these pets are quietly thriving inside us. These pets are called “Grievances”, and they range in breeds. Yours may come from a time when someone hurt your feelings or cheated you, or it could be that you suffered when something horrible or cruel was done to you or your loved one. Our grievances can range from major crimes to minor insults.


We know as Christians that we are supposed to forgive, and maybe we’ve even told the offender, “I forgive you”—but we secretly hang onto our pet Grievance, feeding it, stroking it, and nurturing it.


Are you feeling road rage?
Did you know that “road rage” is always a reaction or response that a driver has to what someone else has done to them? Think about that—someone may have done something wrong or even illegal to you, but it’s your response to them that can become a crime.


“I know that maybe I should forgive,” you may say, “but this person hurt me so badly that I can’t forgive them (and I’m not ready to let them off the hook for what they’ve done).”


Who are you really hurting?
In Matthew, Jesus explains that “if you forgive others when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (6:14-15).
I always read this as a veiled threat—“If you don’t forgive that person, then as punishment, you won’t be forgiven!” But I’ve come to see this verse in a new light. God wants the very best for me—he cares about me and hates whatever harms me. I believe that in these two verses, Jesus is giving us an urgent warning. He cannot forgive us if we are harboring a pet grievance—it stands in the way between us and God.


Do you feel like God’s not listening to you, or that he’s not even there?
When we have unconfessed sin (like a pet grievance), our prayers are ineffective. God wants nothing short of total repentance before he can lavish us with all the love and grace he has planned for us. So, holding on to a wrong done to me means that my prayers are blocked (1Peter 3:12).


How do I forgive when I’m still so hurt and angry?
Forgiving others is probably the toughest thing God requires of us, but fortunately he does not expect us to forgive others on our own strength. Only by the power of the Holy Spirit can we truly release our pet grievances and be free of them. There are wonderful books and resources on the process of forgiving others, but the first step is choosing to forgive. Remember, choosing to forgive someone does not make what they did okay—that is between God and that person. But choosing to forgive someone is definitely the first and hardest step for us.


There’s an old saying that Christmas is the time (for)giving. Don’t let another day go by without confessing your reluctance to forgive. In the words of David, “Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide my guilt. I said to myself, ‘I will confess my rebellion to the LORD.’ And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.” (Psalm 32:5)